Recently, one of my readers, a former patron whom I greatly respect and admire, emailed me to let me know that my blog has taken a disgusting turn. 

Cassandra, he writes, Too much focus and too many references to shit, shit stains and other fecal matters!  It’s like a train wreck…  you don’t want to look, but are somehow compelled! 

Of course, he is absolutely right.  I will…  try my best… to tone down the disgusting parts in the future.  After all, it’s not befitting the image of a prostitute.  But remember Season 3 of The Sopranos, when the show took a sharp turn towards violence?  The killings and the rape and the tortures — the brutality and senselessness of it all.  It seemed almost exaggerated.  Over the top and unnecessary, critics and audiences cried. 

But it worked: the jarring violence changed the way we looked at Tony Soprano and the mob.  Whatever we thought we knew about Tony, our sense of familiarity with Tony that was built up over the previous two seasons, was shocked into disbelief.  We were reminded that this was THE MOB.

And nothing reminds you better that you are reading the blog of a real, live, crossdressing TOP girl than my accounts of shitty experiences!  I keep it real, bitches!

So just one more gross entry (I’ve really been wanting to tell this story for soooo long) and then no more sick stuff.  For at least a month.  I promise.

You ready?

Omg omg OMG!!!  It was the worst fuck ever.  His ass smelled soo bad!!!  There are butt aromas, and then there are butt stinks and this one was a STINKER!!!  It smelled like something was rotting, something with a high salt content, like a sea creature crawled up his ass and died.  And then it fermented there for a couple months before my candy opened it up to the world.  I think I may have to switch my curtains after this.  They smell like I drenched them in Vietnamese fish sauce.

To Cassandra’s credit she fucked him for five minutes before even her Indomitable Shecock failed her and went limp.  My shecock simply passed out from all the poisonous fumes.  I wish I can treat her to the spa tomorrow – she did good.  A deep cleanse followed by a mineral bath…

Remember that scene in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts first accompanies Richard Gere to his hotel room?

“I got red, I got green, I got yellow… I’m out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left… the condom of champions… the one and only… nothin’ is gettin’ through this sucker. Whaddya say, hmm?”

I always thought that was such a cute scene.  When I became a prostitute, I incorporated the offering of different colored condoms into my repertoire.  It is my homage to the happiest hooker film ever.

But what color condom did this guy choose but a BLACK condom.  Out of all the condoms I had, he had to choose the one with the clear plastic showing a circle of soy sauce.  So when I pulled out of him after my shecock went limp, after all that stink and pure hell, she came out looking like the experience charred her for life. 

My poor baby…

A hooker suffers.  It is not all glamour and physical enjoyment. 

Times like this I understand why they call it sex WORK.

Tags: julia roberts, pretty woman, richard gere, sleazy, sopranos, tony soprano, toxic ass