My song of choice these days when I’m putting on makeup is My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson.  It is upbeat, catchy, and irrepressibly youthful.  Do you feel it too when it comes on the radio?  Every time the chorus hits (Cause we belooooooooong… togeeeeeeeeether… nowwwwwwwwww, yeah!)  I have to control myself from jumping up and down lest I poke an eye out with my mascara brush.  It is such a good song for prostitution because it gets me all amped up to see my client.  Because I play it so often right before getting a blowjob my candy perks up whenever it comes on. 

I was driving the other day when I pulled up to a red light.  The girl in the car to my right was blasting this same song.  She was totally getting into it.  And my first thought was, “OMG she’s a prostitute, too!”

Good times…  Good times.

You’ll love this story from last week.  He was a new customer and I was kind of nervous.  So many crazy people on Craigslist these days, you know?  But he looked normal from the pics he emailed me.  And there was something very cool and understated about him when we negotiated the price.   He just said, “I feel it.” 

He comes over, takes one look at me and says, “you’re pretty attractive.”  And then he pulls me in and gives me a long, lingering kiss.  French kissing someone within the first minute of meeting them is a move that either comes naturally to you, or it doesn’t.  Trust me, it’s OK if this is not a part of your repertoire.  There are lots of other moves that turn a girl on (and I generally prefer the shyer types anyway).  But the bottom line is you don’t want to fake or even plan a move like this.  You have to just feel it, feel the moment, with your being.  Otherwise it comes across kind of creepy and qualifies you for the sex-offender-registry. 

The guy was cute, which I didn’t expect from his picture.  He had the casual good looks and the easy, laid back, self-assurance that make him likable to other men and irresistible to women.  In high school he would have been the jock who wasn’t an asshole. 

I really liked playing with him.  There was none of that oh-I’ve-never-done-anything-like-this-before hand-holding that I have to do with so many of my customers.  What was especially cute was when he said to me, “Cassandra, do you want Daddy to suck on your cock?”  He was in his early thirties, at most no more than 5 years older than me.  So him calling himself daddy, without any trace of irony, was especially cute, you know?  I almost responded by saying, “Yes, Mommy wants Daddy to suck it hard!”

I was disappointed that he came really quickly.  I don’t think we played for more than five minutes before he shot all over his stomach.  Too much masturbation to T-Girl porn, I guess.  But get this: after I wiped him off and he got dressed it turns out he didn’t bring his wallet with him!  He claimed that he was in such a rush to meet me that he forgot to take his wallet with him when he left the house. 

Even worse: that I was such a DUMB HOOKER for not collecting the money in the first place.  I was so mad at myself.  Cassandra, you’re such a dumb dumb HO!  Who’s ever heard of a hooker who gets a customer off before she collects the money?

He was a nice guy, and I believed he genuinely forgot his wallet.  Nevertheless, I insisted on riding with him back to his place so Cassandra gets paid. 

He lived all the way out in the Presidio.  On the ride there I felt very awkward all of a sudden.  Just five minutes ago my cock was in his mouth but now we have nothing to say to each other.  He busts out a pipe and we smoke a little 420.  It made me even more anxious. 

When we finally got to his apartment, I waited in the car.  And he comes out of the apartment with his wallet, only to say that he has no money!  Now we have to go to an ATM!

FUCKING A! 

By now it’s almost comical, and we laugh about it.  The weed has hit me, finally, and I chill out.  I stop beating myself up over not collecting the money first.  Bad prostitute, Bad BAD!

I relax into our little adventure.  It is actually rather fun.   We’re two stoners, off to see the world.  We talk about SF Outsidelands, where he saw Radiohead and I saw Regina Spektor and Vivienne Teng last year. 

We stop at the ATM at a corner liquor store.  He buys some beer.  On the way home, we catch a nice little buzz.  In fact, I felt so good I told him to take a little detour and park on a dark street just up the block from where I live.

Does Daddy want to suck some more cock, I ask him.  How about a little freebie and let me suck you too?

My fun lasted for about two minutes before he came all over his upholstery. 

Now, that’s a good little whore, Daddy.  : )

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Tags: Collecting Money, intro, Kelly Clarkson