I am staring at a mountain of dirty dishes, pots and pans and impossibly long-stemmed wine glasses that will have to be washed by hand.  There are countertops to wipe down, floors to mop, stoves and ovens to scrub, and my bong needs a thoroughly scalding cleanse.  When I am in a festive mood (and we had a really great party here last night for Easter) I sometimes get ahead of myself and experiment with bong water recipes.  Last night’s inspiration was the Cosmo — orange and cranberry juice, squeeze of lime, with ice cubes — all for just the pleasure of filtering pot smoke through the colorful liquid.  Does it make a difference, you ask?  Honestly, I can’t remember.  We just got some Santa Cruz weed and it is hella strong.  I remember laughing a lot, though.  But now it’ll be a bitch to rid the bong of the stickiness inside from the juices. 

When Reuben was younger he would give the used flavored bong water to his younger cousins.  This is very concentrated marijuana agua, he would tell them.  Here, drink it and it will get you very high.   Sometimes Reuben will imitate for me their facial expressions when they take the first sip.  No matter how many times I’ve seen it I still laugh.

But getting back to the clean-up…  I guess it’s the unspoken understanding between my roommates that the stay-at-home transvestite prostitute also doubles as the maid after a party.   Part of me hates this policy but I really can’t complain much because I don’t have to go to work the next day hung over.  I used to hear about a guy who would pay T-girls to let him come over and clean their apartments for them.  The kicker is that he has to do it in the nude.    This sounds like something I’m totally down with — if you know who this guy is please forward his email to me. 

Back in college when I first started crossdressing I used to wear 7” platform stiletto heels at home while washing dishes.  I remember how excited I was when I first got them from Villains on Haight Street.  Wearing these hooker heels while performing mundane housecleaning duties made the task quite entertaining.  I shoulda known right then and there I was a freak destined for a life of utterly decadent depravity…

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Tags: life